All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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