4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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