Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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