at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
