I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
4 words: hood of his car
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
