drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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