I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
