Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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