jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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