clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
