first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
