yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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