dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
