The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
