I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
