Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
