I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
