I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
