I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
