Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
