I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
