Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
