you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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