3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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