this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
