I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
