Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
