But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
it was like eating out sand paper
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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