i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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