Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
