he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
