This is the prime rib incident all over again
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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