As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Fuck appropriateness.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
