every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
