pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
