I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
