so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
