i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
