god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
