cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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