she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
