Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
