then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
