dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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