Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
