dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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