Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
she woke up with a sticky ear
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
