Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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