you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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