I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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