Do you still have your period?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
