I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
